This Calvin and Hobbes-themed wedding will make your day

Calvin Hobbes wedding

Jonathan and Stephanie tied the knot in July 2012 at Casa Real Winery in Livermore, CA. Photos by Junshien Lau.

I don’t typically gush over wedding themes and engagement photo shoots, but I’m a big fan of Calvin & Hobbes so I just had to share this with you.

Indeed, these Calvin and Hobbes wedding photos will melt your heart if you loved Bill Watterson’s classic comic strip, which ran from 1985 to 1995 and sadly (or perhaps gladly) hasn’t been touched since, even for a movie, TV show or cheap merchandising. Jonathan and Stephanie tied the knot in July 2012 at Casa Real Winery in Livermore, California, and they’ve just this week shared pictures from photographer Junshien Lau here.

“We wanted our wedding to feel like our relationship — joyful, kid-at-heart, quirky, whimsical, breezy, with a dash of mischievousness,” Stephanie writes. “We came to the realization that these were all adjectives that described our beloved Calvin and Hobbes comic series — one of the first things we bonded over, when we met five years ago! We decided to have fun with it and drew all our inspiration from the comic.”

The theme included an engagement photo shoot with Jonathan dressed as Calvin, posing with a red wagon and a transmogrifier box while Stephanie holds Hobbes, the beloved orange tiger that made the comic come to life. Save-the-dates, wedding invitations, programs and more used the comic’s quirky font, the ring bearer wore a red-and-black striped t-shirt and carried Hobbes while the flower girl perhaps personified Susie Derkins. They even had Calvin & Hobbes cake toppers and dinosaur-shaped bubbles (because Calvin and Jonathan both love dinosaurs) instead of rice!

Calvin and Hobbes wedding

Jonathan and Stephanie tied the knot in July 2012 at Casa Real Winery in Livermore, CA. Photos by Junshien Lau.

Calvin and Hobbes wedding

Jonathan and Stephanie tied the knot in July 2012 at Casa Real Winery in Livermore, CA. Photos by Junshien Lau.

Calvin and Hobbes wedding

Jonathan and Stephanie tied the knot in July 2012 at Casa Real Winery in Livermore, CA. Photos by Junshien Lau.

See more photos here.

The 28 most ridiculous quotes from Geoff Herbert’s first blog

It’s my 28th birthday today and, as I look back, it’s weird to realize how long I’ve been using the web. I had my first website when I was 12 — “The Page of Qaz” — and I started my first blog on LiveJournal when I was in college, which ranged from poetry attempts to stream-of-consciousness writing to premature, emotional outbursts. Most was written from 2003-2005 and I’ve since removed almost everything from the site, but I thought it’d be fun to revisit the 28 most ridiculous quotes from that LiveJournal and share them. Y’know, so I can show how mature I’ve become since. And stuff. Enjoy!

1. “My heart swells like a passenger-side airbag as she drives me into a bridge abutment.”

2. “So take it all in stride, find the punch-line to life’s punches, and don’t take any of it too seriously. Be serious when you need to be, of course, but learn to laugh, too.”

3. “It may feel like a lot of baggage to carry for your future travels, but it’s not.”

4. “Reality wears an iron glove and it just bitch-slapped me in the face.”

5. “She doesn’t talk to me unless I talk to her, but when I do she gives all the tell-tale signs of utter infatuation. As if her favorite food is apricots, but only when someone offers them to her.”

6. “Another conductor waves their baton at me, urging my heartstrings to join the orchestra, but I’m held back by my own fears and desires. Maybe I’m in the wrong section or playing the wrong instrument.”

7. “I know that the last time I went on this ride, I was not wearing a seatbelt and basically went through the windshield in a beautiful disaster of glass and pain. It was too fast, too furious, and too frustrating. But that doesn’t mean I should never sit in a car again. Wounds heal, senses dull and skins grow thicker as time goes on and we live our lives. But the heart is equally vulnerable at all times, in all cars, on all kinds of rides.”

8. “In the real world with all the cookie-cutter stuffed-shirt conservatives and the brand-infected poster-boy prima donnas who think that Ludacris and Lil Jon represent the pinnacle of good music, I fit in about as well as a three-hundred pound woman does in a size four.”

9. “…I’m a person of function. I can’t dilly-dally, I can’t do small talk, and I hate just driving around aimlessly. I can’t even watch NASCAR because to me it’s just cars driving around in a circle. I’m still an impatient brat, and I currently have no plans to grow up.”

10. “I go swimming in my mind and I always seem to forget my floaties.”

11. “She was an angel — but from another angle, I don’t know anymore and I find myself losing faith in my own judgment.”

12. “Indecision and passivity are vices I can’t stand. They may not be biblical vices and they don’t need to be. In the church of Geoff, they are the unforgivable sins because there is no benefit or reason for them. ‘Whatever’ is a more damnable word than Carlin’s seven you can’t say on the air.”

13. “‘Dammit, Janet! Why do you have to crush my trapezoid like that?’ She sniggered and took another bite out of my smorgasbord of unfortunate disorders. So I retaliated, and threw the only ammunition I had in return. My heart missed, and fell into a precipice.”

14. “How the leaves dance across the quad to the tune of an 18th century ballad, flying with the grace of Fred Astaire over the concrete sidewalks without touching. A spiral of maple and pine children jump into the air, singing ring-around-the-rosy as they encircle a passerby who can’t help but smile at her playmates.”

16. “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, you’ll get blood on your shirt.”

17. “How wrong I was. And worse, how sure I was that I was right.”

18. “I think your true friends are the ones who stick by your side through all the stupid things you do [when you’re sober] — not all the stupid things you don’t remember doing.”

19. “It’s time to get your gonzo on, write a will, and decide what it was so you can decide what it will be. After all, redefining your redefinition of your refined refinements with referred references may be the only thing saving you from duct-taping your cellphone to your head and taking a long bath in Onondaga Lake.”

20. “Women. I understand women about as well as I do a braille keypad on a drive-thru ATM.”

21. “On second thought, wouldn’t giving someone time and space make them God?”

22. “I look in the mirror and it’s always an unfamiliar face that I somehow recognize. I see that little blonde-haired boy with blue hearing aids who needed a hand to hold — he’s still there, looking up at me for help.”

23. “Heaven is a dancefloor. And I think sunrise occurs when the club closes and the DJ watches a sweaty mass separate and drive home with a smile.”

24. “I wish I were a pen, dictating my life story and writing characters in and out as I see fit… It’s my book, dammit, and I’m the main character. I’m the star. There are no little-did-he-know moments because I know everything that is going on. I purge it all in a cacophony of words, sentences, paragraphs and terrible metaphors. The only thing I don’t know is what happens to the guest stars of chapter 3 after I edit them out and, frankly, I don’t really care what happens to them after chapter 3. We’re on chapter 24 now, baby, and there’s no room for you in the story anymore.”

25. “Wounded pride goes with every outfit.”

26. “I’ve always believed that leading with your heart is taking a step in the right direction. And I’ve always led with my heart, meaning I’m always stepping forward with my right foot. However, if you keep stepping forward with your right foot, you’ll just keep going in circles, won’t you? You’ve got to take a left step here and there.”

27. “Sure, looking at a happy photograph from days gone by makes you sad that you’re not still in that happy moment, but you gotta remember, Geoff, that the moment was only that: a moment. And getting rid of those remnants won’t make you forget them any sooner. So don’t. Don’t forget. Remember.”

28. “Life is a sexy Molotov cocktail of pain, misery and unabashed tears – with smiles in between each sip. Enjoy it all.”

Who’s most likely to cheat? 11 warning signs to watch out for

I read some interesting statistics over at TheDailyBeast. Here’s 11 warning signs that you (or your partner) might have an affair. You’re more likely to cheat if…

1. You’re a man.
Men are 7% more likely to cheat than women.

2. You’re unhappy.
Unhappy men are 13% more likely to cheat than happy men – 10% for women. If you or your spouse is miserable, then something’s wrong in the relationship whether you’re having an affair or not.

3. You don’t like to spend time with partner’s relatives.
Even if their family really IS crazy, you’re 24% more likely to cheat than if you do spend time with the in-laws.

4. You live in a large city.
Maybe it’s because everyone knows everyone in a small town, but big city people are 39% more likely to cheat than those in suburbs and rural areas.

5. You watch online porn.

Porn-watchers are 300% more likely to cheat. Interestingly enough, another study found that if you think about sex every day, you’re 22% more likely to cheat than those who think about it a few times per week. Who thinks about sex that little??

6. You spend less than 10% of time together.
If he works and you don’t, there’s at least a 10% chance you’ll cheat.

7. You married at 16.
The average age for getting married has grown over the years (a British study found the average woman gets married at 30 now), but you’re 400% more likely to be unfaithful if you marry at 16 than if you marry at 23 years old.

8. You live together before marriage.
There’s a 39% chance at least one of you will commit infidelity.

9. You have an identical twin who’s cheated.
If your twin cheats, you’re twice as likely to cheat than if your twin doesn’t. Plus, how many TV shows have we seen where someone falls in love with the wrong twin? Lesson: stay away from twins everywhere but your fantasies.

10. You never went to church.
Sinners are 250% more apt to have an affair than those regularly attending religious services.

11. You earn $75,000 or more per year.
Rich people are 150% more likely to be a cheater than those who make $30,000 or less – how do you think they got so rich? If your partner doesn’t have a college degree, you’re 3% more likely to cheat and, if you have a college degree (especially a master’s) you’re 175% more likely to look for love in other places.

So, overall, who’s most likely to cheat? Rich, young, unhappy, non-religious men with a master’s degree in large cities. Stay away from Dustin Moskovitz and Mark Zuckerberg.

Trust issues? 60 percent of women regularly check their partner’s phone

A British survey of 3,000 women between the ages of 18 and 45 has revealed that, as technology grows, perhaps so does our distrust of our loved ones.

Six out of every 10 women regularly check their significant other’s phone for racy messages, inappropriate emails and overly flirty comments on social networking sites.

One in 20 have actually caught their partner sexting or sending/receiving inappropriate photos.  Look out, Tiger Woods.  (Does this mean one in 20 people sext outside the relationship?  Or does this mean only five percent get caught doing it?)

And this is particularly interesting – one in six women have gone so far as to test their relationship by creating a fake account, messaging their significant other and setting them up in a “honeytrap.”  In other words, if given the opportunity to cheat, would they?

Is sexting cheating?  Is flirting online wrong?  I’ve known guys who would say anything goes, as long as you don’t physically cheat – they think there’s nothing wrong with asking another girl for naked pictures.  However, 90 percent of women don’t think it’s “just harmless fun” and eight out of 10 girls would break up with their partner if they caught them sending inappropriate messages to a rival.

Some more interesting results of the survey:

  • Half of women know their partner’s email and Facebook passwords
  • 10 percent have hacked their partner’s email and Facebook
  • Two-fifths of women don’t even feel guilty about checking the other’s phone regularly
  • 28 percent ask about phone calls from unknown numbers
  • 38 percent snoop around their partner’s computer every chance they get
  • One in five question it when they see a text with a kissy-face :-*
  • 45 percent would watch a conversation to see how it plays out before saying anything

Do you check your significant other’s phone?  How often?  Would you go so far to create a fake account and start messaging them, testing to see if they would actually cheat?

Do lesbians make the best parents? Study finds child abuse rate to be 0% in lesbian households

A new study reports that zero percent of lesbian couples abuse their children.  Zero.

Meanwhile, 26 percent of all adolescents report being physically abused by their parents or guardians, and 8.3 percent of children are sexually abused.  That’s a lot – a scary amount, in fact.  But none of the children in a 24-year study of lesbian couples reported any abuse whatsoever.

From Huffington Post:

The Williams Institute, a research center on sexual orientation law and public policy at UCLA School of Law, has announced new findings from the U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS), the longest-running study ever conducted on American lesbian families (now in its 24th year). In an article published today in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the 17-year-old daughters and sons of lesbian mothers were asked about sexual abuse, sexual orientation, and sexual behavior.

The paper found that none of the 78 NLLFS adolescents reports having ever been physically or sexually abused by a parent or other caregiver. This contrasts with 26 percent of American adolescents who report parent or caregiver physical abuse and 8.3 percent who report sexual abuse.

What does this mean?  Nothing conclusive, given the small number of participants in the study, but consider the possibilities.

Maybe only men are to blame for abusive households.  Maybe heterosexual relationships are more prone to bad environments for children.  Maybe gay couples make better parents – after all, they can’t “accidentally” get pregnant, so it would stand to reason that every child they have would be well-planned and provided for.

And for the close-minded critics who claim gay parents will “make” their children gay, the study also found only 2.8 percent of the children of these lesbian couples actually grew up to be gay.

I would love to see more studies like this that would hopefully convince more people that being gay is not something to be afraid of, nor is it something that should have a negative connotation.  It could also convince more states to legalize gay marriage, even.

Portia DeGeneres is currently in talks to be in the first same-sex dancing couple on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars,” which could mean another barrier broken and another stereotype eliminated in the near future.  Portia recently changed her name from De Rossi after her marriage to Ellen DeGeneres.

Who knows? Maybe we’ll find that lesbian couples make better dancers, too!

Getting married? 5 tips for picking your wedding music (from a DJ).

The Gloss came up with some great tips for wedding do’s and don’ts on Facebook, including how much information to post and how often.  So it made me think, where else could future brides and grooms use some advice?  Music.  I’ve DJed a good number of weddings, and here’s my advice to you:

1. For your first dance, pick a short song.
It doesn’t have to be a slow song, but you should be able to move to it. This is your first time dancing as a married couple, so the song should obviously have special meaning to you two – it doesn’t have to be “your song,” but pick something that represents you, your relationship, and your personalities.  If your first date was at a Green Day concert, that’s fine, but pick something a little more romantic.  Keep in mind that everyone at the wedding will be watching you, so try to pick something that’s 3 minutes or less – otherwise it’ll get boring (and awkward) for you, your partner, and everyone watching.  If your song is 4:15, talk to the DJ about editing the song to a shorter version – make a custom edit with one less verse or a fade out, especially if it’s a song most people won’t know. (I’ve seen people start clapping halfway through a five minute song all too often.)  And practice dancing to it – you don’t need to take lessons, but if you can do one or two little “moves” to entertain the people watching, that’s huge.

2. Mother/son and father/daughter dances should be short, too.
The first dance is special to the bride and groom, but it’s also special to everyone at the wedding – they’ll love taking pictures and gushing over how “in love” the newlyweds look. Most weddings will typically have a dance for the groom and his mother, as well as the bride and her father. For these, the crowd is again expected to stand around and watch, but let’s be honest – these moments are special only to the people in them.  The bride, the groom, their parents.  Here, it’s better to pick a song the crowd will know (and can sing along with) and even more important to pick a short song or make a custom edit.  2 minutes may sound short, but it’ll cover two verses and two choruses (usually) and will give everyone their “moment” without wearing the patience and attention of your audience.

3. Dinner music is for the background.
Obviously no dance music should occur when people are trying to eat, chat and (probably) have a few drinks to loosen up for dancing.  Here, more classics and romantic tunes would make the most sense, but don’t assume it should be all Frank Sinatra and Rod Stewart.  Picking songs for this part of the night isn’t as important as simply giving a few suggestions, and that’ll let the DJ know how much variety to throw in here.  This part is all about atmosphere, so sweet and gentle pop tunes work best.  Cliché songs like Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat’s “Lucky” are actually good here.

4. Pick music for everyone to enjoy – a little of this, a little of that.
At the average wedding, the guest list age range is from 2 months to 92 years old.  If you like one particular kind of music (say, country) that’s fine but make sure you’re still picking a few oldies that grandma will like, maybe a couple Disney-pop tunes for younger nieces and nephews.  In other words, play a little something for everybody – for different age groups, different genres; a little new, a little old; some fast, some slow.

5. Do NOT pick every song that you want played – let the DJ choose some music for the dancing hour.
Who’s the professional here?  You may love music (who doesn’t?) and make great iPod playlists for road trips, but how much experience do you have picking music for 100+ people?  Do you know what everyone wants to hear?  And when?  If you’ve hired a good DJ, they’ll know when to play Bon Jovi and Michael Jackson, if they’ll like swing, or if a new hip-hop song will work for the crowd.  A good rule of thumb is to come up with three lists – 1) songs you definitely want played, 2) songs you absolutely do not want played (i.e. “YMCA”), and 3) a general list of songs you’d like to have played. Then give the DJ the freedom to choose when to play the songs, take requests, and to read the crowd or play different music not on your lists – again, if you’ve hired a good DJ, they’ll know what to do to make you happy and entertain your guests.  It’s your day, but you want your friends and family to have fun on your day, too. There’s more to a good party than free food and drink.

Looking for a DJ? I’d love to DJ your event, and I’d also be happy to answer any questions or make suggestions to make your wedding the best possible experience for both you and your guests.

What type of profile picture is most attractive to other people? 8 tips to maximize your sexy!

Dating site OKCupid has over 1.5 million users and periodically pulls some interesting data about its users.  For example, what profile picture will get the most “likes” on Facebook, or requests for a date?


What type of profile picture is most attractive? You'd be surprised.


The 4 Big Myths About Profile Pictures

Myth #1: It’s better to smile.

For women, smiling is better than not smiling, but the profile picture that’ll get the most responses is a flirty face looking directly at the camera.  (Interestingly enough, a flirty face looking away from the camera is the worst option for women.)  For men, an unsmiling picture looking away from the camera gets the best responses.

Myth #2: The “MySpace angle” is lame
You know this picture – hold your cell phone just above your head and take a self-portrait at a slightly skewed angle.  Believe it or not, it’s single-most effective shot for women to get a positive response.

Myth #3: Showing off your abs (or your boobs) is dumb.
Truth?  If you got it, flaunt it.  Men who show off their muscles in their profile picture get a response 9 out of 10 times, whereas a picture of them drinking or traveling will only get them 4 or 5.  For women, a cleavage shot (with the camera slightly looking down their shirt) will get twice as many responses as a normal picture.

Myth #4: Show your face.
Your picture should be of you, yes, but if your face is in the picture… well, it doesn’t matter.  An artsy shot of just your shoulder will get as much attention as a close-up of your face.

Maximize Your Sexy: 4 More Profile Picture Tips

1. Do you want people to “like” your picture, or actually talk to you?
If you want an intelligent conversation, a picture of yourself doing something interesting (traveling, playing an instrument, etc) will more likely lead to a real exchange of messages.  If you’re just interested in a hookup or some cheap compliments to boost your ego, then go with a boob or ab shot.

2. How old is the picture?
Truth about profile pictures: the more attractive the photo, the more likely it’s out-of-date (a year older or more).  So if she looks really hot, you’re probably actually thinking she looked really hot in 1997.  For your profile, go with the more recent photo, not your high school yearbook picture.

3. Camera flash adds seven years to your face.
Soft light hides wrinkles and blemishes, but a bright, harsh light will bring them out.  No matter what age, a picture without flash got a higher rating on OK Cupid than a picture with flash.  Always.

4. The best time of day to take your photo is in the afternoon.
There’s a “golden hour” right after sunrise and just before sunset, but generally speaking the best time of day to take your photo is between 1:00 and 7:00 p.m.

If you still have absolutely no idea what picture is best, try MyBestFace – if you upload a few pictures and analyze attractiveness of others, it’ll measure composite features and decide which one you should be using as your default profile picture.

Getting married on 7-7-07, 10-10-10, 11-11-11… what’s the big deal?

People are strange creatures.  We trust Chinese fortune cookies as wisdom, but if your Happy Meal said “You will live a long and prosperous life,” you’d laugh at it.  We bought gallons of water, flashlights and batteries in preparation for Y2K.  Tap water is bad to drink in any city, it seems. We think a fried chicken sandwich is healthy if we don’t eat the bun – where do these ideas come from?

We believe them.  Somewhere along the line, it got in our heads that certain things are true without any basis or evidence.  We believe in all sorts of superstitions like black cats and four-leaf clovers that we might as well call them stupidstititions.

So when 7-7-07 became the biggest wedding date of our lifetime, people started rushing to tie the knot on other “lucky” days like 9-9-09 and most recently 10-10-10.  What’s next?  11-11-11 is a Friday, but  12-12-12 is a Wednesday.

Is there a cosmic significance to any of these dates?  “Well, it won’t happen again for another 1,000 years.”  That’s true, it won’t.  And it also won’t be 10-12-10 for another 1,000 years, either.  We’ll see 4-14-11 in 6 months, but it won’t be the fourth month and the 14th day and the 11th year again until 3011.  Who cares?  The Jewish calendar says we’re in the year 5771, and other ancient societies would be arguing different dates too if they hadn’t been killed by the Roman Empire or by diseases spread from European colonization.

Over 30,000 couples got married on 10-10-10.  More than twice that on 7-7-07.  “A lot of repeating numbers are lucky in a lot of cultures. With divorce rates what they are, you need to have everything going for you that you can, I guess,” said a wedding company owner in Denver.

No one gets married with the intention of getting divorced (except maybe gold diggers), but we’re aware that many people do get divorced. However, if you examine the numbers closely, you’ll find that the saying “Half of marriages end in divorce” is actually a myth, too.

First of all, the divorce rate has gone down steadily since 1980, and rapidly in the last 5 years.  Per 1,000 married women, it was 22.6 in 1980 and steadily dropped  to 17.3 in 2005, according to the National Marriage Project.  In these tough economic times, people might be sticking together to save money because in 2009 it was only 16.4 divorces per 1,000 marriages.

A New York Times article also explains the myth that one out of every two marriages end in divorce, analyzing the numbers so you don’t have to.  The truth?  It’s never been more than 41% and, as the divorce rate is going down, it’s probably in the high 30’s now.  So the odds of getting married (and staying married) are in your favor.  Really.

Younger generations are also more patient about marriage than previous ones, and that wisdom that comes with age may be helping.  27% of couples who got married between 1975 and ’79 got divorced, compared with only 16% of those who got married between 1990 and 1994.  The average women get married now is between 30 and 32, where you’re less likely to make stupid decisions than when you’re 18.

So relax.  Don’t put too much stock in your wedding date.  Just remember your anniversaries, and you’ll have no trouble being in that majority that actually has a successful marriage.  And if you’re looking for a wedding DJ, I’m available.  :)

5 Date Tricks To Make Him Want You

Maura Kelly from Marie Claire wrote this list of Five Subliminal Tricks To Try On A Date that I wanted to share with you. If you’re worried about how to get from Date #1 to Date #2, this cheat sheet may help.

1. Reach out and touch.

Being touched by someone, even briefly and unintentionally, increases liking for the person. Men love it when a girl laughs and touches their shoulder.  We have no idea why.  Make it seem accidental or natural, like touching his hand briefly and saying, “I know!” will definitely get his mojo rising.

2. Get the dude to hold a hot cup of joe.
According to Ruud Custers, a psychology professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, research has shown that when you get someone to hold a cup of coffee, he will see you as a warmer person whereas the opposite is true for anyone holding a cold drink. It’s a weird association thing, but basically if one thing is hot, then it’s easy to assume everything in the situation is hot.  Including the date.  So pretend you’ve got to get something out of your bag and ask him to hold your coffee for a minute.

3. Be smooth. (Or soft. Or fluffy.)
A very recent study published in the Science journal found that when participants were asked to work together to assemble puzzles, they would say that cooperating with their partners went less “smoothly” if their puzzle pieces were covered with sanding paper. See? It’s that crazy word-association stuff again. In other words, go to a restaurant or bar where the chairs and couches feel good, or wear a smooth or soft sweater.  Ask us to touch it.

4. Imitate him.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. A study out of Raboud University, in Nijmegen, The Netherlands, found that waitresses who simply repeated the orders of their customers back to them received larger tips. Occasionally repeat something your date says and ask, “Is that right?” or some other comment.  Don’t play the Shadow Game.

5. Make sure he’s in a place full of things he likes.
More association stuff!  Ruud just finished a study about how if we are in a place (like a bar) in which there is a stimulant (like a band) that another person finds pleasurable, he will come to associate the pleasure of that stimulant with the people around him. So stalk his Facebook profile, and take him to see a band or a club that plays his kind of music, or maybe see a movie that he’s likely to be a fan of.

The truth?  Men are simple creatures.  If we have fun on a date, whether it’s because of the other person or not, then we’ll assume the other person had something to do with it.  “I had a really good time last night” could have nothing to do with you, but the psychology of it is that he’ll (and you’ll) interpret it as “I had a really good time last night with you.”

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to… sex.

Marie Claire ran a recent article investigating sex addiction, particularly female sex addiction.  We all know about male “sex addicts” like Tiger Woods and Jesse James, but we don’t hear about female sex addicts.  Are they out there?

First of all, what is sex addiction, anyway?  New York-based sex therapist Mavis Humes Baird defines it as “any sexually related activity that is having a destructive effect on your life.”  Well, then, cheating on a person and causing the relationship to end would technically count as a destructive effect, wouldn’t it?  I don’t think we should consider them sex addicts, that’s just a cop-out for infidelity.

Obviously, there are serious sex addictions – if you can’t browse Craigslist without contacting 12 strangers for  “Casual Encounters” or if you start missing work because you just had to watch another 17 hours of porn – those are diseases that need treatment.  And yes, women get them, too:

To Veronica, a 39-year-old social worker in Seattle who became hooked on porn in the throes of a bad breakup, sex addiction is no joke. “My boyfriend stopped sleeping with me, and I was looking for other ways to get off,” she explains. “Soon I was masturbating to porn with the window open, hoping someone would see me.” By day, she was a buttoned-up temp at a law firm; by night, she was online, having sex chats with strangers and watching hard-core videos. Then one evening, she stumbled upon child pornography. “It made me sick to my stomach,” she says, “but I kept looking.” The next day, she found an SAA meeting.

So, is sex addiction real?  I believe it is, but cheaters do use it as an excuse to have affairs – “I can’t help it, honey, I’m addicted.”  Well, if you’re addicted to drugs, you’d best believe I’d leave you.  And if you’re addicted to sex, I’d leave you, too.  (Unless you’re only addicted to sex with me.  That’s okay.)  I’ll support a person who’s fighting an addiction and help them get treated, but I won’t date them.

So if you’re in a relationship with someone who says they’re addicted to sex, male or female, either A) they’re making excuses for cheating or B) they need to get help.  Regardless, you should end the relationship immediately and deal with A or B accordingly.

[t-shirt image from