The following is a recap of the fun live-blogging experience I had when I went to “jail” to “show support” when Paris Hilton went to jail in 2007. Radio station listeners were invited to watch me 24/7 on our live webcam and I never left jail (which was actually my office with bars made out of duct tape) in the three days I stayed there (and Paris did). She later went back to serve more time, but I wasn’t interested in redoing the ridiculousness – I learned that there’s nothing more horrible than NOT having basic freedoms. So don’t commit crimes, kids.
LOCKED UP, DAY 3 – AND LET OUT! – Friday, June 08, 2007
6:35p: Again, I want to say how much I appreciate everyone’s support while I was in jail. Some of the latest e-mails and messages I’ve received:
“Sweet well 4 u, she can stay”
“Thank god your free and no she did not learn her lesson did you?”
“hooray you’re free!”
“hey deafgeoff you’re so awesome so is the radio station”
“yay for getting out early! I’ll miss being able to check on you.”
“Yay your OUT! haha… Lunch on Fresno’s! Whooo hooo!”
“DeafGeoff, you’re hott… I think when Paris gets out of jail, she owes you a personalized visit”
“congratulations on your freedom!!! I knew you could do it!”
In the end, I spent 58 hours behind bars. I think I agree with Jus Mic and most people that Paris probably has not learned her lesson. House arrest is not punishment when you live in a mansion. But I’ll tell you this: I learned that freedom is something we all probably take for granted. And I mean that in the largest sense of the word – I have a better appreciation for the freedom to go outside, watch TV, breathe the air, everything. There are other types of freedom, too, that we take for granted – for example, the brave men and women that fight overseas to protect our country. It’s because of them that we even have the privilege to know what freedom really means. I hope Paris at least has some idea of what I’m talking about right now and changes her habits.
1:49p: They’re claiming that Paris was let out for “medical reasons” which could mean anything and I’ve heard some very dirty versions of what those reasons are, but now she’ll be under house arrest for the next 40 days (she got credit for 5 days in jail: Sunday night to Thursday morning). Who wants to hang out at the House of Hilton?
Thanks again to Glenn Beck for having me on his show to talk about being in jail and my thoughts as to whether or not Paris is going to learn her lesson. Click here to listen!
Thanks, “ya sick freak!”
12:42p: My first meal as a free man was superb: chicken fingers, fries, Nacho Grande and southwestern egg rolls from Fresno’s. Freedom never tasted so sweet!
Thanks to all those who sent me suggestions for games to play while I was in jail — it’s old now, but it’s still fun to play: The Prison Life with Paris Hilton. Make license plates that say “RCHBTCH” (no “That’s Hot”, too many letters…) and have fun.
10:59a: Tabloid photos of DeafGeoff getting out of jail are in, hot off the paparazzi press!
Click here for photos!
10:33a: After serving 3 days in jail, they have let Paris Hilton out! According to cnn.com, Hilton has been fitted with an ankle bracelet and will now be under the supervision of the LA County Probation Department. She gets credit for five days served, having technically entered the facility Sunday night and leaving Thursday morning.
I served 2.5 days in jail in support of Paris — you got to watch him on the new HOT 107.9 webcam 24 hours a day, so hopefully you had fun watching him suffer through the ordeal with Paris! Coming soon: pictures of DeafGeoff getting out of jail!
Also, I did a live interview with nationally syndicated radio host Glenn Beck to tell him about his experience and offer his thoughts on whether Paris learned her lesson.
9:50a: I AM FREE!
9:40a: I ordered my celebration lunch from Fresno’s: Nachos Grande, Southwestern Egg Rolls and Chicken Fingers for everybody! By the way, this is your last chance for a conjugal visit… you got 5 minutes for a quickie!
9:30a: Marty & Shannon are getting me out at 9:50a. Watch and revel in my new freedom!
9:21a: News conference at 10am to confirm/explain Paris’s release. Marty & Shannon say they’ll let me out as soon as it’s confirmed.
9:11a: TMZ.com reports Paris Hilton is OUT OF JAIL. What?!?
They better let me out early, then…
8:15a: Reading the AOL Pop-Eater Blog right now. I talked about this on air yesterday with Marty, but when did Jessica Simpson and John Mayer get back together in the first place to break up again? Jessica’s love life may be in a shambles ever since “Newlyweds,” but at least she’s still looking good. Wish I could say the same about J.May.
7:58a: Carole brought me chocolate milk and a cookie. If I had a window, I’d argue that it’s morning but since I can’t see the light of day, it’s a good time as any for milk and cookies!
7:47a: I just want to thank everyone who’s been sending me messages on MySpace and e-mailing me (firstname.lastname@example.org) and always, feel free to call the studio to tell Marty, Shannon, Ed McMann, Jus Mic, Ralphie and Dangerboy that I should be let out: (315) 421-1079.
Here’s some of the most recent messages I’ve gotten from you:
“Nice cards you got there! LOL Hopefully you are able to keep yourself entertained”
“Hang in there mister. We are watching you and supporting you all the way”
“well at least you can have sex with Paris Hilton. That’s not that hot but at least it’s easy”
“Want me to bake you a cake and put a file or shovel in it so you can dig your way out?”
“This is crazy the things they do to you!! You are such a great sport!”
“Lol…. who talked u into doing this jail thing?”
“Haha ur freakin awesome! How long u in for?”
“Stripes are hott on you… lol”
“So I just checked out your webcam thing on the 1079 website and I’ve gotta tell ya… I feel pretty creepy & stalker-ish.”
“Watching you on your live webcam right now… too funny. During my travels yesterday I heard that you were locked up and it spiked my curiosity and decided to look into it more… Hope you get through this ordeal”
7:26a: If you saw me laughing hysterically in front of the webcam, it’s because I was watching the live-action version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos:
Note to self: Next time I’m in jail, I need more board (bored) games. Risk, anyone?
6:20a: Let me remind everyone that the bathroom is off camera for a reason — you don’t look at a dude’s package when you’re next to him in a urinal, and you’re certainly not going to look at mine via the world wide web.
5:40a: Marty woke me up. There’s a bottle of water by my cot that wasn’t there before. Thank you, mystery water guy.
LOCKED UP, DAY 2 – Wednesday, June 06, 2007
9:10p: …Being in jail bites.
7:45p: Ralphie had a surprise guest for his birthday but apparently the surprise was for me. Madeline Devine visited the jail cell to offer a, ahem, conjugal visit. She/he offered to rock my world and make me feel a little less lonely if I was up for it. I haven’t been in jail long enough — will get pictures soon so I can explain what I’m talking about.
5:48p: David Bowie won the Webby Lifetime Achievement Award, which is a little strange considering that A) the Webbys have only been around for 10 years and B) the internet has been around for less than the lifetime of a 27-heaven rock star. But he’s always been extremely savvy, not just with the internet, but everything in general. According to the Times Online, they told him his acceptance speech had to be five words, so he said: “I only get five words? S*** that was five. Four more there. That’s three. Two.” And then he left. Gotta love Bowie.
5:36p: I won Solitaire. Yay! Too bad I can’t make the cards go sh-sh-sh like on computer solitaire.
5:10: Prison dinner is served by Fresno’s. Chicken Fajita and, oh snap, they gave me a slice of ice cream pie! I’m gonna get so fat, I better hit the yard tomorrow and work out with the ball and chain.
4:59p: Today’s secret phrase is: France. Click here to get bonus points during the 5 O’Clock Traffic Jam with Jus Mic!
4:25p: We boosted the picture on the webcam. As one fan said, it’s now in HD: High Deaf!
2:50p: I lost solitaire. I suck. Will try and redeem myself later.
2:12p: Paris now has a webcam, too! Watch Paris 24/7 at www.paris-live.com — watch us both at the same time!
1:35p: Jus Mic stopped by to entertain me before he goes to do his show. He offered to bring me porn DVDs and an issue of Black Tail magazine. Never read it, but I assume it has something to do with squirrels, chipmunks and other black-tailed creatures of the animal kingdom. You know, for educational purposes. ‘Cause I can’t watch National Geographic in here.
12:11p: My spirits were immediately lifted when I read the funniest article on Cracked.com: Top 12 Video Games with Ridiculous Premises, including Super Mario (“an Italian plumber who collects coins and mushrooms… to save a princess from turtles and goombas”), Guitar Hero, and Kirby’s Dream Land (“essentially an acid trip for 10 year olds”). My favorite is Super Smash Bros: “Take everyone on this list, get them blind drunk, then insinuate that each said something about the other’s mother. Throw in some hammers and fans and watch [them] go crazy.”
What? “Did you update my other subscriptions? …I don’t just read Cracked,” Pam.
11:49a: My yummy meal was almost harrowed by concerns for Paris’ well-being. The Sydney Journal reports that a psychiatrist has been rushed to see our favorite jailbird. The doc couldn’t comment on her condition, but prisons allow “professional visits” Mon-Fri so she probably just invites her therapist and her lawyer on a daily basis for the company. Family and friends can only visit on weekends. There’s also a staph infection outbreak in the jail, so her skin might not be so creamy when she gets out — of course it won’t be, she’s not allowed to have a razor or hot wax, so those famous legs will be fuzzy legs when she gets out.
11:07a: Lunch is here! Yay for more prison food from Fresno’s!
Aw, they even left a note with the food: “Hi DeafGeoff! Enjoy the Nacho Grande and Bacon Cheese Burger! I know it’s not the Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookie Ice Cream, but maybe we can sneak a dessert into prison with your dinner later.” Thanks, Lisa for dropping off the food! I wonder what Paris is having… According to CNN, her first meal was cereal, bread and juice. She’s obviously not as cool as me.
10:45a: I’m dressed again and ready for action. I smell nice, too. Wanna come sniff?
10:27a: …and made a new friend.
10:26a: Dropped the soap…
10:23a: Showertime. Getting naked and wet, woohoo!
9:47a: The webcam has been updated — sorry for the time-delay earlier that showed me sleeping when I was on awake and on the show with Marty. Click here to watch the new webcam!
8:43a: Marty told me there may be some surprise visitors tonight — not for me, though, for our own Ralphie! It’s his birthday today, so go to his page and send him a fun message — happy birthday Ralphie!
8:22a: Marty bragged about getting ice cream last night. Now I want ice cream. He went through the top 10 ice cream flavors, and vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are still the top 3 (1, 2 and 4 actually — neopolitan is #3) — I could really go for some Girl Scout Thin Mint Ice Cream right now.
7:50a: Entertainment News live from behind bars – Yesterday I talked a bit about those pictures that surfaced over the weekend of Lindsay Lohan holding a knife to someone’s throat. Guess whose throat it was?
Yep, that’s Vanessa Minnillo. She’s already come out saying she regrets her partying actions – this girl has become a diva and a half. I see her joining the ranks (and I do mean rank) of Lindsay and Paris soon.
7:30a: Luckily even after hours people still sent me e-mails (email@example.com) and messages on MySpace (myspace.com/deafgeoff) to keep me entertained or to express guilt over how dirty they felt being able to see and watch me do stuff 24 hours a day. Here are some of the messages I’ve gotten from my correctional correspondences:
“hey it’s voyeur cam”
“you look so sad right now”
“how long r u in??”
“Lmao I’ve been watching you on and off all day LOL!”
“I love listening to you guys I can’t believe half of the things they make you do”
“I can’t believe they’re making you sleep there as well?? Poor guy, hang in there! If nothing else, do the Carlton!”
“I C U”
“I think you being in jail to support Paris is great!”
and lots more, including one friend who sent me a bunch of links for online games which I will definitely dive into today.
6:45a: I’ve been doing live reports from behind bars with Marty (Shannon’s still out) and now I’m starting to really pay attention to this whole Akon-tosses-a-fan thing. It was a concert Sunday outside of Poughkeepsie and the first YouTube clip I saw made it look like a joke, but now I’ve seen the second angle from where the kid landed and I think Akon seriously meant to hurt the kid. Watch angle #2 and you’ll see why authorities are trying to locate the kid to see if charges need to be pressed against Akon.
5:03a: Woke up. Freaked out when I realized I was in jail.
If you didn’t check the webcam overnight to see whether or not I was really here, here’s a frameshot of me sleeping:
LOCKED UP, DAY 1 – Tuesday, June 05, 2007
9:46p: I sat on the cot and read some more magazines. Rachel Ray, Oprah — no Mad magazine or Highlights for Children, what gives? You’d think they’d try and have a broad range of reading selections to help the rehabilitation process. Rehab — sounds like a strange word these days with all the stories you hear about Lindsay Lohan being let out of the Promises center to do whatever (plus she’s still planning her 21st birthday party), not to mention Mrs. “Rehab” herself, Amy Winehouse, who got into a tiff with her new husband and was reportedly swearing off at him in the hotel lobby after the MTV Movie Awards. Speaking of the MTV Movie Awards, by now you’ve all seen the YouTube of Sarah Silverman bastardizing Paris Hilton. I swear, Sarah Silverman’s real life persona sometimes frustrates me just as much as her School of Rock character: “I’m assistant to the mayor of the city, hello!”
So Day 1 is just about over, and I feel like Jim at the end of Diversity Day – “uh… not a bad day.” :)
8:21p: …Ralphie interrupted me when I went to the bathroom. He was worried that he couldn’t see me in the webcam and I assured him that I was there, we just don’t let the webcam see the X-rated toilet angle. He came down to the cell block anyway and saw I wasn’t lying.
7:27p: By now, you’ve missed the word that I held up to the webcam, but if you saw it hopefully you won those VIP bonus points! Meantime, I got dinner from Fresno’s — a delicious Rotisserie chicken with southwestern rice, bread and a quesadilla appetizer with some refreshing Mt. Dew to wash it all down. Thanks Melanie for dropping off the food!
Everyone in the building has gone home, which means “visiting hours” are over. I’ve played online Scrabble (scrabulous.com) and the dreaded Text Twist, that horribly addictive Shockwave game that I haven’t touched since freshman year of college. I guess I could read another back issue of Cosmo. I’m just not motivated to read a “real” book. Maybe I’m more shallow and Seinfeldian than I originally envisioned myself being. Seinfeld would get bored in jail really fast, I think. He’s probably really bored now, which may be the only explanation for why he’s willing to dress up as a giant Bee to promote his new animated movie coming out later this year. Speaking of Seinfeld, Season 8 came out on DVD today and I can’t watch it. Jon was just telling me that “it’s the season with the best episodes” and rather than debate it, I left it at that because I’d rather not know what I’m missing right now. I’m missing everything else anyway.
4:45p: As you’ve heard on Jus Mic’s show, I’m going to hold a word up to the camera sometime soon. If you see it, you can win big bonus points for being a HOT VIP. Stay tuned!
4:22p: I read the Ashlee Simpson issue of Cosmo. I now know the Top 10 Myths of The Pill. I should read something more intellectually stimulating, but I’d rather play online Scrabble…
2:48p: I’m bored.
2:45p: I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t freak out if you can’t see me for a minute, it’s just off camera. We don’t want this webcam to be X-rated or anything…
1:50p: Someone told me that a tabloid is offering $500,000 for a picture of Paris in jail. I found one:
Actually, it’s just the wax figure of Paris at Madame Tussaud’s in NYC, but still funny nonetheless. Her outfit matches mine! The real Paris is probably wearing a spiffy orange jumpsuit. (image courtesy of TMZ.com)
12:47p: After lunch, I started listening to some music so I could exercise (and by exercise, I mean dance in my chair) and what I got into the most was a new song from Lily Allen and Dizzee Rascal called “Wanna Be” – click here to listen. I love it so much, I’m officially over the fact that she’s the whiniest MySpacer I’ve ever come read. Also, I saw that there are indie fans who are duly impressed at what music is being featured in the new iPhone commericals: Lily Allen, Beck, Brazilian Girls, Feist, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Lupe Fiasco, the Kaiser Chiefs and the Noisettes. Read and revel at the Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good (and like to do other things good too) Center.
12:03p: Lunch was great! Thanks to Fresno’s, who’ll be bringing me my prison food while I’m in jail — they dropped off a menu so I can order dinner and also gave me some reading material: the Fresno’s Camillus Concert Calendar. Some great local bands playing, hopefully I can get out of jail soon to see some of them. Click here here to see the lineup!
11:22a: Lunch is here! Prison food is provided by Fresno’s. Thanks to Judy and Jamie for bringing me a BBQ Pig Sandwhich and Fries. Yummy!
11:11a: It’s 11:11, make a wish… I wish I wasn’t locked up. If you can’t tell in the webcam, those pictures on the wall are of Paris Hilton. Here’s me looking at Paris, wondering what she’s thinking about while she’s in jail.
I’m sure she’s thinking about Bush’s G-Eight Summit this week, global warming, MAC cosmetics, things like that.
10:40a: Marne came by to visit me with magazines. We’re looking for more Paris Hilton pictures, yay!
9:19a: I started ripping up the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar magazine that I smuggled into jail.
In it there’s a photo shoot of them posing and pretending to get arrested. Is it life imitating art, art imitating life, or just more ridiculousness in the world of those who are famous for being famous? Read the article.
I put a couple pictures up on the wall for, er, sentimental thought. Seriously, though, if I were going to put up pictures of hot women on my wall, Paris and Nicole wouldn’t even make my top 20. No offense, girls.
9:10a: People are sending me well wishes and messages like “Give me a sign…” or “don’t fall out of your seat!” One friend even said that he hopes I learn my lesson and never drink and drive — dude, I didn’t even do it in the first place! Paris did it! I’m a huge fan of I’mSmart and I wish Paris had been able to use it, but that still doesn’t justify her actions. I hope she’s learning her lesson.
8:59a: I glossed over it when I first read the news reports this morning, but Paris Hilton has her jail cell all to herself, just like me. Pretty cozy, but pretty boring too. I’d love a roommate named Bubba that wants to cuddle. DJ Ray Caputo just stopped by to bring me some Peanut Butter M&M’s, though. Thanks Ray!
8:20a: I’m hungry. Anyone want to bake me a cake with a nail file in it?
7:23a: I’ve been doing news and entertainment news live from jail. What’s Paris doing with her time? Her lawyer says “she’s using this time to reflect on her life, to see how she what she can do to make the world better.”
6:40a: Jailcam! The webcam watching me in jail is up and running – click here to watch.
E-mail me if you catch me picking my nose: firstname.lastname@example.org
6:01a: I am now in jail. This sucks.
Paris Hilton went to jail early (early bird = jail bird?). Here’s her mugshot:
I know she just came from the MTV Movie Awards, but please. Remember the James Brown mugshot? That’s the way mugshots are SUPPOSED to look.
BEFORE JAIL – Monday, June 04, 2007
I am going to jail tomorrow.
Paris is already in the slammer, she went after going to the MTV Movie Awards last night, so here’s hoping she gets out on good behavior early. Which means I’m hoping I get out with good behavior early.